Friday, September 17, 2010

When the cat's away ... guests post!

President Bill: We now call to order the September meeting of the He-Man's What Have I Gotten Myself Into Club. Would the Secretary read the Agenda?

Secretary Fred: Our first item is "How many pillows are enough?"

Bill: Well, that's going to take some time. Let's go through the items one at a time. Okay guys, what do you think? How many pillows are enough?

Jim: One.


Jim: Why do you need more than one pillow? Especially since you're not allowed to use them for support?

Bill: Jim, did you actually try to set your head on one of the pillows propped up so nice on your bed?

Jim: Well yes, I did.

Bill: And how many nights did you have to sleep on the couch in punishment?

Jim: Three.

Bill: Let me tell you what I have learned. The proper number of pillows is whatever the current number is, plus one or two more.

Fred: The pillows are all from Noah's Ark. They come in pairs.

Jim: Why do the pillows on the sofa have to be karate chopped in the middle? It makes them look like weird cats with their ears all pushed together.

Bill: Why does the sun come up in the east? It just does. They must be chopped.

Harry: That's not a logical answer.

Bill (SPITTING and COUGHING): Don't say stuff like that when I'm drinking my coffee! Logic? Logic? There's no logic in fashion. There's only rules.

Fred: And the rules say you should never offer a negative opinion on anything. Always positive, that's the trick.

Harry: What if it's butt-ugly?

Fred: That is your fault for not seeing how well it ties in with the curtains or the wallpaper. It's beautiful. You're the ugly one. And I hate you for saying you don't like it. You can sleep on the sofa tonight.

Bill (INTERRUPTING): I think we have covered that one. Here's the rule I use for the question about pillows on the bed. When there are too many to fit on the bed, you might -- just might -- be getting close to enough.

Fred: The second agenda item is when can you put your feet up on the coffee table?

Jim: I know that one. It's a trick question. Never.

Bill: There is one other time, but we don't say it out loud.

Harry: Why not?

Fred: We don't want to get caught and kicked out of the den where the television is.

Jim: Tell us.

Harry: Yes, tell us!

Bill (WHISPERING): When she's not home.

*Disclaimer: This post was not authored by the wonderful women who run Whitehaven Interiors but by some miscreant who misused his access to Helen's computer. Please direct all scathing comments to bradford at bsjy dot org. MEA CULPA, MEA CULPA, MEA MAXIMA CULPA.


  1. Loved it!! It's that Mars -Venus thing!!

  2. Oh my gosh, how hilarious. Well done. Plus, what I truly loved is the 'butt-ugly' wording. I haven't heard that in a while, and quite truthfully, not only did it put a smile on my face, I felt a little younger having read it.
    Kudos, and thanks.

  3. My husband would like to join your club. He's interested in discussing hand towels and why people need so many lamps.

    He could use a few tips... he's just not catching on...